is your mom at the bar?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he was CRYING into my vagina
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
