IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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