i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
