I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
