When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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