Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
