A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
