then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Randomize
