I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I need moral support for this bender
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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