i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
