I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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