girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
