You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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