clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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