Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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