I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
