Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
