Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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