i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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