the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize