The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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