eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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