Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
