He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
