if i died would you start the facebook group?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.