You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
