If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.