Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.