are you still at the devil's house?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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