Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing