Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.

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  (504): Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid. http://tfl.nu/2kcb
  Replies (20) Good night (703) Bad night (4193) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.

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  (412): He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower. http://tfl.nu/q9b8
  Replies (26) Good night (952) Bad night (5728) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (85) Good night (3271) Bad night (39400) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.

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  (248): My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend. http://tfl.nu/02a8
  Replies (23) Good night (7899) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.

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  (970): I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat. http://tfl.nu/yfuv
  Replies (13) Good night (2152) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.

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  (805): My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore. http://tfl.nu/yzqd
  Replies (9) Good night (2007) Bad night (1075)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon

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  (701): Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon http://tfl.nu/mzrc
  Replies (4) Good night (2052) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT

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  (586): LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT http://tfl.nu/bpk7
  Replies (19) Good night (2220) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight

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  (508): And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight http://tfl.nu/ebf5
  Replies (6) Good night (1766) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.

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  (631): We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata. http://tfl.nu/hydj
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?

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  (812): i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF? http://tfl.nu/2o7d
  Replies (2) Good night (528) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking

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  (919): my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking http://tfl.nu/q3af
  Replies (4) Good night (377) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
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  (424): View more from California

  The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "

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  (424): The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here " http://tfl.nu/afkn
  Replies (8) Good night (2802) Bad night (255)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.

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  (979): It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/3krn
  Replies (12) Good night (428) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?

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  (773): Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT? http://tfl.nu/k7sq
  Replies (8) Good night (452) Bad night (165) Order T-Shirt

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