I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Damn victory sex feels great
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
