I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
