Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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