im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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