I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
