speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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