____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I am morally bankrupt
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
