But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
