the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
