guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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