Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
