When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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