it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
