i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
