i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
