Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
