If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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