soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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