Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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