That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
