We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
