I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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