dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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