do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
