you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
