i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
