; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
