don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize