You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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