I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
