He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
