awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
