hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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