Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
