Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
