i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
