I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
