omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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