My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
