I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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