I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm like, not good at living.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
