he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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