i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
