Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
