hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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