sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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